Life After Divorce... My "Happily Ever After" started on Independence Day 12 years ago. Two extremely independent people attempted to merge lives and ultimately weren't the right match for more reasons that I can count on my fingers and toes. I don't think a Fourth of July will ever pass without me giving a moment to that day, it really did seem perfect.
When the marriage dissolved, I remember thinking I'd get right back on it and start dating again. People told me it'd take a couple years and I thought they were crazy to think it could possibly take that long to "recover". I fully understand now, it's not about recovery, it's discovery.
For me, it took over 3 years before I even recognized that I had completely avoided dealing with the aftermath. I just moved on. I dove into work work work, hustling to create a startup and also working with all my real estate clients. However moving forward, isn't dealing with all the levels of what's underneath.
I was recently sharing with a friend how it took me a year after divorce to actually even feel the pain of what happened. People used to say they were surprised I wasn't crying myself to sleep during the divorce process. No, I unknowingly bottled it up until a yoga class almost a year afterwards. I had gone to a Bikram class where we did the practice in complete silence. This hour and a half session brought me to tears. Tears that didn't go away, they kept streaming uncontrollably and then at random times for at least a week straight.
This is where the peeling of an onion with infinite layers begins. Through coaching, a couple years later, I realized I had completely numbed myself of feeling any sort of emotion. I harbored them in my body where it manifested into sickness. This is why the silence and meditative movement of yoga had become so powerful for me in realizing emotions. It's important for our body to feel them.
Through my personal development and coaching journey, I learned how crazy it was, the "truths" I decided to subconsciously own because of the wreckage of that relationship. Those truths were weeds needing to be dug out and replaced with luscious beautiful flowers. The lies of feeling unworthy, lies of feeling not good enough, lies of thinking I'd found peace within, and finding myself a workaholic, (I almost took that statement out because I didn't want to admit it ha!).
I had previously found solace in venting about what happened with others, hearing people's negative comments about him, and being a victim of manipulation from my ex vs coming from the most powerful place- ownership. I may have been young yet had I listened to my body which I at the time didn't recognize and was numb to, I would have been directed elsewhere. The signs my body gave me were everywhere. The signs that relationship was an awful match were everywhere.
Even two weeks before the marriage, I still disregarded final signs and entered into that agreement of union which took me more than 5 years to come to peace with after.
It took me years to discover my value, my worth, and not to mention the hardest part which was not about forgiving him, it was all about forgiving myself.
So, back to Independence Day the perfect day to recognize both pain and independence at the same time. For me, it's now a reminder of a beautiful day, an amazing vacation with family and friends on a tropical island.
I now recognize, I boldly choose each moment, the power is in the present. I chose Freedom for myself again and again.
Check out this simple video I had done for the @youngandtwenty project interview a few years back. I'd love for every person to understand the lessons here, and I also understand we are all on our own journey.
Happy 4th of July!
May your day be filled with celebration and blessings!
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